Bohemian Rhapsody Uncut
Bohemian Rhapsody Uncut: BoRhap stans will not want to read this one. Instead, what I recommend they do is watch BoRhap for the 1,000th time. In fact, this story was based on something that actually happened not too long ago. My college roommate is obsessed with 'Bohemian Rhapsody', aka BoRhap as all the stans call it. At the time, her birthday was coming up, so I decided to get it for her on DVD as a birthday gift. She always talked about it, even during class, annoying the professor. I didn't want to buy it on Amazon or Best Buy because the DVDs were just WAY too expensive. So one day, I thought to myself, "Why not find a cheap one on eBay?" and that's when I went to eBay to find the cheapest BoRhap DVD. In fact, I wanted an extended cut of the movie, so she could watch all the deleted scenes and stuff. That's when I found a listing that was only $5.99 and it was an import from Spain. The guy selling it really needed money so I made a bid for $90. Eventually, I won the bid. I had a $100 eBay gift card with me that I got for Christmas the previous year, and as soon as I bought it, I sent the man a message saying, "Fearless lives on forever. Take my money." I then got a notification saying it will take only 3 weeks for it to arrive. Seriously? 3 weeks? And my roommate's birthday was only a month away! But luckily, I moved on and waited. 3 weeks later, it came in the mail in my dorm room. It was wrapped in yellow construction paper. I then opened the package. It was a blank DVD case with a badly typed return address on the front and on the back it said "I hope you enjoy the movie!" I opened the DVD case and discovered the 'Bohemian Rhapsody' DVD. It was a blank DVD case with the title written in purple marker saying "Bohemian Rhapsody UNCUT". I KNEW it! I KNEW that this was an extended cut of the movie! I decided to put the DVD in my DVD player, and despite it being from Spain, it actually worked! The DVD started with a black screen that lasted for 2 seconds, then a 5 second static. It was strange because it's a DVD and not an old VHS tape. Suddenly, the movie began. But the intro was different. The 20th Century Fox logo played a creepy version of Brian May's version of the fanfare, and Freddie's voice wasn't heard. It showed Freddie sleeping in bed wearing a white tank top that read "UNCUT" which was made of black permanent market. He was sleeping in a big, Queen-size bed (nice pun, huh?) and when he woke up, 'Innuendo' played instead of 'Somebody to Love'. All it showed was Freddie getting ready for Live Aid, nothing else, not even Brian May's guitar. After the song ended, it cut straight to young Freddie in 1970 as a baggage handler being harassed for being from Zanzibar. However, they were also calling him "A Stupid African" and "Idiot Supreme". Seriously? How offensive! NO one had ever called Freddie that at all. It then cut to the band Smile performing 'Doing All Right' but it sounded like a Chipmunks song. It then cut to the band recruiting John Deacon, their bass player, a scene I have never seen before. However, the audio sounded a bit off. They sounded like that they were drunk, and that they were getting high and making out with other people. I couldn't understand a thing they were saying, because I could closely hear heavy breathing and police sirens, as in the Queen song 'She Makes Me'. The next scene showed Queen outside their van, however, they were lying on the ground like they were dead, and they were wearing no shoes and no shirts. They seemed to be mumbling about something, which sounded like "Time for us to die in this fucking weather!" I also heard "Damn it, we need to get rid of this stupid van!" Suddenly, a random guy came out of nowhere, he looked like Adam Lambert but had pink face paint on his face, and he dragged Freddie off the ground and said, "Take my fucking truck and get the hell out of here!" I couldn't believe that he would say such a thing! The movie's rated PG-13, so I thought this must have been an R-rated cut of the film. The next scene freaked me out a little bit, it was the scene where Roger was presenting the band with a song he had written for their album 'A Night at the Opera', titled 'I'm In Love with My Car'. After Roger said, "IT'S A METAPHOR, BRIAN!", Brian started laughing uncontrollably, and then Freddie came in and threw a cigarette at Roger. It was a blooper reel that caused Roger to laugh as well, even though his jean jacket was all smoky from the cigarette that Freddie had thrown at them. Suddenly, the director of the movie came out of nowhere, and he had a club in his hand. He clubbed Roger on the head, grabbed his arms and threw him to the ground. Roger was bleeding from the chest. I read somewhere that the director was a pedophile and was removed from the BoRhap nomination at the BAFTA awards, and I couldn't believe what I saw. His true crimes were revealed on set. Ben Hardy, the actor playing Roger, was rushed to the hospital after the clip had ended. I felt like throwing up even though I didn't. The next clip showed Sacha Baron Cohen as Freddie, and he was being a heavy smoker and making out with Lucy Boynton as Mary Austin. He suddenly opened the window and belted, "GET DOWN, MAKE LOVE!" I do remember reading that Sacha Baron Cohen was originally cast as Freddie Mercury, but never starred in the movie because Brian May and Roger Taylor didn't like him as Freddie Mercury at all. The footage was quite weird, to be exact. Mary pushed him out the window crying, "YOU HATE ME BECAUSE YOU'RE FRIGGIN' GAY!" Seriously? That IS going beyond the line! Thank God they got Rami Malek instead of HIM! Suddenly, cops came into the scene. Mary Austin was cuffed to the bed while still wearing her nightgown. Suddenly, a TV static showed up for a few second, and then, a new scene appeared. A gold curtain was on the stage, and there were thousands of Japanese people cheering. I knew it took place in Japan! The actors were taped to the stage, not doing anything else but singing '39'. I KNEW it! The '39 scene! I was, of course, SO HAPPY but a little bit disturbed by this. Do you want to know why? The actors were lip synching while struggling to get free, and I almost couldn't watch. It was like the director was trying to hurt these performers. The next clip showed Queen arriving in Minnesota, still wearing the same outfits they wore in the '39 scene, however, Roger had blood tattooed on his arms. Suddenly, Gwilym Lee, the actor playing Brian May, fell onto the stage as Queen entered the stage. The lights were burning, they were on fire! He did a guitar solo from 'Fat Bottomed Girls' and then he started singing the low notes in the song. I was like, "OMG! That actor is fucking talented!" Suddenly, he screamed "OH GOD HELP ME! IT'S STARTING TO GET TOO LOUD! RAMI, HELP!" and it was because there was a riot in the crowd, everyone was throwing beer bottles at each other, and were bleeding from the glass that came from the beer bottles. He tried to get away from the stage, but his feet were all tangled up in the guitar cord from the Red Special. He could hardly breathe, and tears were running down his cheeks. Ben Hardy jumped off the stage and collapsed from this situation. The final clip was the creepiest of them all, in fact, I regret viewing these scenes. One of these scenes was supposed to take place during the 'I Want to Break Free' scene. However, something eerie was about to happen. Do you want to know what it is? Freddie was singing "But life still goes on...I can't get used to living without, living without you...." if you know this song very well, you know what I mean. Suddenly, Roger as "Rogerina" was tied to a chair crying out, "PLEASE! PLEASE HELP ME! MUM!" I was like, "Wait, WHAT?!" He was crying, tears streaming down his face because he couldn't move. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Deaky as the grandma showed up behind the tied chair. Apparently, he had ripped the newspaper he was reading into shreds. He had a knife, and instead of freeing Rogerina, he sliced his face in half. Then, Rogerina slipped out of the tied chair and died. I freaked out. And then, the film ended, like that. I couldn't believe it. So then I decided to do some research on this mystery DVD. I typed in 'Bohemian Rhapsody Uncut DVD' into the Google search bar. I then found out that a test audience of grown ups in the summer of 2018 were the only people to ever view this version. Because of this, changes had to be made. I then read that the reason why BoRhap had the phrase "Fearless lives forever" in the posters was because of the #MeToo movement. I remember sending the seller a message similar to that, what a coincidence! Apparently the seller must have been inspired by BoRhap that he got the uncut version of BoRhap as a bootleg. I decided to do some more research. The purple marker on the DVD was not marker at all, but purple blood that came from Rogerina's sliced face. I then learned that Egypt wanted to hang Rami Malek for winning an Oscar for his portrayal of Freddie in the movie IF he ever visited Egypt. Yikes! I'm pretty sure Brian and Roger themselves would not allow it. I turned the DVD back on later on to see if there were any extras whatsoever. Apparently the only extra on the DVD was an eerie one. I clicked on the extra on the DVD with my TV remote. It was a black screen with all lights off and there were no doors and windows in the room whatsoever. The title said, "Freddie died" and it showed Freddie's dead body after he died of AIDS in 1991. That's when I started to flip out. I was so mad that I turned off the DVD. I went back to my laptop and to my old friend Google. I did some research on Freddie's death. It turns out that Freddie died of bronchial pneumonia as a result of HIV/AIDS. WHAT? No wonder I ordered a sick/demented version of the film! Since it was a bootleg, I decided the man from Spain should be hanged in my country IF he ever came here. I called the cops right away and told them about the incident. They said they found nothing suspicious, so they went back in their police cars and just....left. I gave up right away and destroyed the DVD in my room. I'm starting to think that the man from Spain likes to bootleg popular movies, including movies from this year and last year. If you try to look it up yourself, you will be destroyed for life. I can't believe that this version would ever exist. So if you ever find BoRhap UNCUT, DO NOT watch it! It will make your life a lie, and you will die of disconsent. I can't take it anymore....but remember, you have the power to change everything. Fearless lives on.......forever.